Snow Fall and Valentine's Day

I'm sure that you all expect me to compose some sarcastically witty rant regarding the looming Valentine's Day, such as how it's a holiday for companies to prey upon naive romantics or how sappy lovebirds are merely in a constant state of self-delusion. Well, sorry to disappoint. This is _not_ one of those. :P

First, an aside: Listening to peppy dance pop on my iPod, I walked around Cambridge this past weekend in the midst of subzero wind chill and the random snow "dumpings," as I like to call it. (Imagine someone in the sky sporadically emptying huge trash barrels of snow. That's how it snowed this weekend.) I realized why I decided to stay in Cambridge. Strange, I know. So, the truth: As a tiny girl (in poofy dresses.... Don't Ask.) growing up in Taiwan, I loved Hans Christian Anderson fairy tales; I always tried to imagine how brick roads and buildings would look when covered in snow. When we relocated back to the US, we moved to the suburbs of Cleveland, nested in the middle of the snow belt. Snow was more than abundant. Too abundant, perhaps. All the cookie cutter houses seemed to be almost collapsing under the weight of the packed snow. That kind of snow was neither pleasant nor serene. Cambridge, however, have these perfect snow dustings and these perfect little brick houses and roads against this perfect lavender night. Such quaint storybook scenes make me embarrassingly satisfied.

So, anyway, during my walk, I noticed a lot of undergrads doing the usual pseudo-last-minute gift shopping. When the thought of "Aw, they're so cute. They still believe in the value of these grandiose romantic gestures." (in Chinese, of course) flitted through my head, I felt incredibly jaded. However, it's not true that I believe Valentine's Day to be retarded and useless. To say so would not only be lying and condescending but would also suggest that I'm bitter, which I'm not. While it is true that I'm basically only familiar with horrifying Valentine's Day "experiences" which has led to my associating the day with trauma or pending doom, I do think that Valentine's Day is good for modern people. Being so over-committed and ambitious, we're constantly checking e-mail, juggling schedules, scrambling at work, rushing to places, etc. This "holiday" reminds us to make time to show people for whom we care that we do care. Not with chocolates and flowers and reservations and cliche gestures, but simply via a intimate look and a couple of sincere words.

The "H-Bomb" for Girls

I've always wondered why Americans consider intelligence, especially in women, to be as much a turn-off as leprosy. It's a common joke among friends that, for guys, dropping the H-bomb (i.e. admitting Hah-vahd affiliation) will almost always change a girl's attitude from utter disinterest to excessive fawning. Unless of course she has her own H-bomb to drop. On the other hand, for girls, dropping the H-bomb usually serves as the perfect repellent for the "god's gift to women" who just won't take the not-so-subtle hints. Seriously.

We all know the stereotype that smart girls are (a) crazy, (b) frigid, (c) unattractive, or (d) any combination of the above. To some extent, all of those descriptions are true. We do have the tendency to be too focused on work and too demanding of success that we just can't let a relationship not work, view our ambitions to be more important than relationships, or obsess about maintaining a professionally respectable image. However, to be frank, it's not as if other girls don't have issues of greater concern. So, why the aversion?

The issue comes down to intelligence. As of late, a greater number of women are attending college as well as graduate schools, entering previously heavily male-dominated fields, and becoming the focus of social spotlights. There are now women who, because of their competence, are confident and unafraid to challenge those around them, male or female. Society has yet to truly adapt to this phenomenon. On the surface, all educated men will claim to view women as equals. In relationships, however, most guys still prefer to be in control, to be the one "wearing the pants." When their girlfriends are more successful, frustration (whether conscious or otherwise) often festers and leads to the guys’ behaving in conventionally asshole-like manners to assert their masculinity. From personal observation, this can start with cheating (often with much less intelligent girls) and escalate to sociopathic emotional torment and even physical abuse. The goal is to chip away at a girl's confidence until she questions her own self-worth, until she becomes manageably submissive. Now, after such experiences, why wouldn't a girl be paranoid, jaded, emotionally guarded, and starving for affection? Can you blame her for her “craziness” or “frigidity”?

I think the most important lesson for girls here is that we should be aware of guys' sensitivities, whether they admit to such vulnerabilities or not. I am most definitely not suggesting that we hide our abilities or pretend to be less than we are, but we should perhaps be more aware of when we may be unconsciously "flaunting" our successes. Men have fragile egos.

At the same time, guys, your girlfriend's being more "competent" doesn't mean that you're less of a man. In fact, being able to be proud of her would only demonstrate your security and confidence, which only serves to establish you as more of a man and to increase your hotness factor. Also, you know, if we are committed to you, then you're clearly the best in our eyes, and, since we’re brilliant, we obviously know what we’re talking about. :P